Darcy stood outside the Marine recruiting office in San Bernardino, watching mid-morning traffic; a cigarette burned between her fingers in one hand while she chewed on the skin next to her thumbnail on the other. Tears ran down her cheeks as she fought crying breaths. A woman saw Darcy quietly struggling in front of the office as she walked toward a nearby bank.
“You ok, darlin?” the woman asked.
Darcy wiped her face, stepped on her cigarette, and tried to smile.
“Yeah, I’m ok.”
The woman pulled her purse higher on her shoulder and took Darcy’s hand. Darcy held her hand in return.
“My husband just left with the 7th,” the woman said. “I’ve had to say goodbye both times he went to Okinawa. I wish this one was that easy, but it’s not.”
Darcy met the woman’s tired and knowing look. Tears started to well again.
“They’ll be fine, darlin,” the woman said. “Yours, too.”
The woman squeezed her hand and turned back toward the bank. “You take care.”
Darcy was scared. Scared of losing the one boy who made her feel safe. Scared of her decision to let him go, and if they’d make it back to each other sometime, someplace down the road. Scared of whether she’d be able to keep her problems behind her. Scared of doing it alone. She sighed heavily and lit another cigarette.
Billy walked out of the recruiting office with his hands deep in his pockets.
“Are you in trouble? Did they yell at you?” Darcy said.
“No. He told me I’m fucking late, but I’m still good,” Billy said. “And I go to San Diego for boot camp, not Parris Island.”
“Is that a good thing?”
“I don’t know. I think it’s all the same shit, though.”
“Well, at least San Diego’s closer. Did he say when you’ll go?”
“This afternoon.”
“What?! Billy! This afternoon?!”
“He said it was mandatory. The bus leaves at fourteen hundred. What is that…two o’clock.”
Darcy found the clock in front of the bank. Ten-thirty. Her lip quivered as she took a deep drag from her cigarette and held it for a second, then looked at Billy and exhaled sideways.
“God, this sucks,” Darcy said.
Billy looked at his shoes and felt like everything inside him had spilled out. He didn’t want Darcy to feel abandoned again. He didn’t want her to hurt. But Billy was numb. He wanted a heartful of sadness. He wanted disappointment or regret, even fear churning inside him. Instead, no emotions came. It was as if his entire life was only what came from that moment forward. He wondered if this would make him a good Marine.
“Are you hungry?” Billy said.
“Pfff. No.”
Darcy walked to the car. Billy followed.
“Let’s just drive till you have to go,” Darcy said.
***
Billy and Darcy sat in the car in the parking lot of the shopping center where the recruiting station was located. An olive drab green bus was parked at the curb, and not quite two dozen young men, mostly Hispanic, milled around with wives, girlfriends, and parents. A handful of kids held their mother’s, big sister’s, or grandmother’s hands or were held in their arms. A few men stood away from the others, finishing cigarettes.
“I’d write, but I don’t know where you’ll be,” Billy said.
“You won’t write, Billy,” Darcy said. “It’s ok though. You’ll have a lot of other things to worry about.”
Billy knew she was right. He had not felt even a small pang of sadness in the three hours they drove around. They rode in silence, knowing that everything was small talk. Trying, but not fully able to convince herself, Darcy put their future in fate’s hands. Pinned her hopes on Billy’s return from the Marines and his path pointing back to her. Billy coolly embraced that his future was no longer his own. He had no way of knowing the specific mental and physical sacrifice that would actually entail, but somehow understood that as long as there was a blood to be spilled in the name of God and country, a Marine’s death was an expected part of a Marine’s life.
They heard a holler and saw the wives, girlfriends, parents, and children suddenly cling to their recruits, and the young men said their final goodbyes and started toward the bus with their bags.
“I’ve gotta go,” Billy said.
Darcy turned and hugged Billy. He put his arms around her.
“Please be careful,” Darcy said, then sat back and looked Billy in the eyes. “Find me.”
“I’ll try,” Billy said and climbed out of the car.